


Irrepressible

by rivendellrose



Category: Babylon 5
Genre: F/M, Gen, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-13 18:47:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9136891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rivendellrose/pseuds/rivendellrose
Summary: Written for babylon5_love on Livejournal back in August of 2007."When he was training to be a Ranger, his best teacher, an old man from the warrior caste, had often told him that he acted as though he lived for nothing.  There was no point in fighting, the old Minbari told him, if he did not think life sacred.”I do,”he’d insisted.”I believe that all life is sacred.””Not just all life.  Your life.  You need something to live for, something more than revenge and repentance.  A hollow globe of crystal breaks easily, where one that is solid through cannot be shattered except by great force.”"





	

When he was training to be a Ranger, his best teacher, an old man from the warrior caste, had often told him that he acted as though he lived for nothing. There was no point in fighting, the old Minbari told him, if he did not think life sacred.

_”I do,”_ he’d insisted. _”I believe that all life is sacred.”_

_”Not just all life. Your life. You need something to live for, something more than revenge and repentance. A hollow globe of crystal breaks easily, where one that is solid through cannot be shattered except by great force.”_

He’d had no answer to that in his heart, and though he’d managed to bluff his way out of it at the time he’d been aware ever after that the old man could see right through his bluster and jokes. He had the same sensation now, standing in front of Susan Ivanova. The difference was that this time, his heart was no longer empty. From the moment he met her, he’d felt all the sullen, empty, desperate places in his heart filling in. It hardly mattered that she seemed determined not to respond to him - just by existing, she gave him purpose, a new focus in life, and a goal to point his whole being toward. 

Impossible as she was, he adored every minute with her.

“Delenn will be fine,” she was saying. “Franklin has her on bed-rest for the next few days, but it’s mostly just a precaution. Minbari are tough,” she added, referring to all that their friend had gone through during her kidnapping.

“That they are,” he agreed, and for a moment his mind flashed on Lennier in the darkness down below, lost in his pain but still so very determined. They were indeed a strong people. “I’m glad to hear she’s alright.”

“Some of us are going down to the Medbay for that ritual she and Lennier have been on about,” Susan continued. 

Under any other circumstance, he would have seized the chance to spend more time with her, but in this case... “I’d love to, I would, but it’ll have to wait. I have... things, that need doing.”

Susan seemed to notice the sudden change, and he couldn’t help feeling pleased at the thought that maybe she paid him more attention than he’d thought. Enough to care, at least, that he seemed a little bit off from his usual self. He smiled brightly. “Of course,” he continued, “if you wanted dinner after, or drinks...?”

“I have duty tomorrow,” she replied, suddenly as cold as ever. 

“And I’m leaving on a mission. I’d like a drink before I go, especially if I can have it with the most impressive woman on the station.”

“Impressive,” she repeated, somewhat incredulous.

“Well, I’m assuming that you get ‘beautiful,’ ‘stunning,’ and ‘astonishing’ all the time, so I thought I’d try to stand out a bit. Is it working?” 

She shook her head. “You’re unbelievable, you know that?”

“So, that’s a yes?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“But you’re not saying no, either.”

“Marcus...”

“I know. I’m pushy, irritating, obnoxious, and you want to throw a drink in my face. But--” and here he let the smile that had been tugging at his lips overtake him, “you’ll have to take my invitation to get the chance to do that, won’t you?”

“Not if I decide I’d rather just shove you out an airlock,” Susan grumbled. “It’s not that I dislike you, Marcus--”

“I knew it. I’m winning you over already. That’s... what, only six months?” 

She glared, and for a moment he thought he’d pushed it too far, but then she shook her head again, and stood up from her desk. “One drink. And only because you’re leaving tomorrow. It’s not a date, I’m not going to dress up, and if you try anything I swear to God I’ll break your arm. Nobody in the bar would stand up for you, either.”

“Against you? I can’t imagine they would.” He raised his hands in surrender. “Just a drink, that’s all I’m asking for.” 

She walked past him, then paused in the doorway and turned back, a genuinely curious look on her face. “That’s what I don’t get about you, Marcus. All this - flowers, chocolates, drinks, the constant joking and stories and banter. I’m not giving you any encouragement, so what is it? The thrill of the chase?”

“Just you.” He followed her to the door and watched her - really _looked_ at her as carefully as if he’d never see her again, like he always wanted to do every time he saw her. Dark hair pulled neatly out of reach, dark eyes watching him warily, lips that looked soft as silk pressed tight together... everything about her seemed calculated to both engender and deny desire. Just this once, she asked him honestly, and just this once, he’d give the answer straight. “That’s all I want - all I’m asking for. A word, a look, a smile... As much as you’re willing to give me - no more, no less. The more the better, of course,” he added with a moment’s cheeky grin, “but really? Just seeing you makes living worthwhile.”

Her jaw tightened, and she frowned, shook her head. When she lifted her eyes again, he was surprised by how cold they were, and how sharp, like the endless black between the stars. “Forget the drink.”

“Why?”

“Because you mean it.”

“I’m confused - I thought calling off a date usually involved thinking the other person is _not_ serious.”

“Not for me. If it didn’t mean a thing to you, that’d be one thing. But this... No. This is too damned much. I can’t have all that on me.”

“It’s not.” He wanted so much to touch her, to catch her hand, or to brush the soft curve of her cheek with his fingers... just to know she was real, to try to find out by feel if not by words who and what had hurt her so much, made her so skittish of love. Delenn’s ritual had been all about secrets, giving things up - he’d told the truth when he said he didn’t have anything left to give up, but this... this he could give to _Susan_ , at least. Render to her the truth, and all that was in his heart. “It’s not on you, Susan. It’s on me. I’m responsible - it’s my decision to feel this way, not anything you did. You could... shoot me in the gut, kick me, shove me off a railing in the Zocalo, and I’d still love you.”

“That’s stupid! You’re--that’s so _stupid._ ”

“That’s love. Think of it as something I need, if it helps.” He shrugged and smiled vaguely. “My teachers were always saying I needed a reason to live. Now I have one.”

“How can you _say_ that?”

“Because it’s true.”

She snorted. “It’s really that simple for you.”

“It is.”

“Look... the last few relationships I’ve had, they’ve gone badly. All of them, actually - every one I’ve ever had.”

“Mine, too,” he confirmed. “All terrible, and I haven’t had one in years.”

“Then why...?

“Because you’re worth it.” Marcus stepped toward her - just one step, closing just that extra few inches of distance between them. “If I get my heart completely crushed by you, then at least I felt it.”

Susan shook her head. “This is insane.”

“Well, _that_ at least,” he grinned, “is something I’m used to. You know what I’ve found is a good cure for insanity?”

“What?” 

“Drinking.” 

She gave him a look of such complete incredulity that for a minute he thought he was on the way to getting literally kicked out of her office. Then, suddenly, she laughed. “Alright. Fine. I’m too tired to argue this. We’ll go, we’ll have a drink... as soon as I’m done in Medbay. Alright?”

“Wonderful. I’ll walk you as far as the Zocalo, and I’ll meet you in the bar when you’re finished.”

“What if I forget?”

“Then I’ll be there, waiting, all night. I have paperwork I can do, contacts I can meet with... I’ll keep busy.”

Susan eyed him suspiciously, then sighed. “I’m never going to get used to this.”

He thought about all the possible answers to that, and then smiled. “Good. That means you’ll never be bored of me.”


End file.
